When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent night crawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A Woman's Prayer:
I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.
The Doctor And The Old Man
Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
I spat in this beer
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Make Money Fast Online
Everytime we will ask ourself why work so hard and yet been scold by your boss and stress yourself up. Why every month we must wait till end of the month to take pur salary. Why so many bill have to clear and it will forever un-finish? Why some people can work a few hour and accompany their family? Why i have to work so much and get so little salary?
CLICK HERE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE NOW
CLICK HERE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE NOW
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Circle Illusion
If you continue to focus on the cross in the center of the image you will notice that ...
the circle of violet circles will soon DISAPPEAR completely .. and you will see only the green spot (which is actually violet)
How is it???? Give me some comments... Thank-you..
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Efficiency Expert
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of
caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked
somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert
explained. "She made a lot of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day
I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to
take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked
somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert
explained. "She made a lot of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day
I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to
take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
What's for Dinner?
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, ''Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.'' ''Well,'' the doctor replied, ''go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness''.
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, ''Honey, what's for dinner?'' He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ''Honey, what's for dinner?'' She replies, ''For the fourth time, vegetable stew!''
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, ''Honey, what's for dinner?'' He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ''Honey, what's for dinner?'' She replies, ''For the fourth time, vegetable stew!''
Saturday, November 21, 2009
On their way home from the bar
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he’s drunk."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he’s drunk."
Beer
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains large traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the
scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively
without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned."
scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively
without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned."
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Top 10 Differences Between Man and Woman
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
Monday, November 16, 2009
No Exit
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can’t get out of the room!"
"You can’t get out of your room!?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the closet, one is the bathroom, and one has a sign on it that says ’Do Not Disturb’!
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can’t get out of the room!"
"You can’t get out of your room!?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the closet, one is the bathroom, and one has a sign on it that says ’Do Not Disturb’!
Correct Answers
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Good Job But Sack????
My Boss ask me to draw a floor map for the office. I spented 2 week to finish drawing the floor map.
Yesterday i show my boss the drawing i draw on my computer, he say good job and ask me to print it out.
......................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................
.........................................................................
But i print it, HE SACK ME???????????????
Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that’s a really fancy watch."
Thanks, says the guy, "It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically."
"Rubbish," says the girl.
"No, it’s true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on."
The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on."
"Well, it’s wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."
"Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it’s an hour fast!"
Thanks, says the guy, "It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically."
"Rubbish," says the girl.
"No, it’s true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on."
The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on."
"Well, it’s wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."
"Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it’s an hour fast!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
